With all the flopping, diving, whining, bad hairdos, and bad facial hair running through the NBA these days, I’ve decided to compile a list of ballers that you have probably considered punching (given the chance) in the face. Please feel free to comment if you think I’ve missed someone.

10. Richard Hamilton (Detroit Pistons)

The masked man has taken ‘ticky-tack’ play to a new level in the years since Reggie Miller retired. I’m glad that he can run around the court all day. I can appreciate that. What I don’t appreciate is that he pushes, pulls, tugs, swipes, and uses a variety of swim moves to get open. And that’s BEFORE he uses three screens to get an open shot. Defensively, he’s a pest. Not in a good way. In the “I flail my arms as soon as I receive any type of contact” kind of way. Take the mask off Rip, you punk.

9. Al Horford (Atlanta Hawks)

Al was a player I thought I liked when he came out of Florida. I’ve come to realize that I only like him slightly more than the disdainful Joakim Noah, his college teammate. His actions in the Celtics-Hawks series, including taunting Paul Pierce, celebrating wins like he won the Super Bowl, and his general “gotta show you I’m tough” demeanor made me feel like decking this guy. He’s got the potential to become a “Punch him in the face All Star”.

8. Vince Carter (New Jersey Nets)

In a recent SI poll, NBA players voted that Vinsanity is the biggest waste of talent in the league. He just doesn’t care about the game. He only tries when he wants to, he isn’t tough (multiple questionable injuries), and he setback the Toronto franchise for years by forcing a trade for 20 cents on the dollar. Given the chance, I’d like to punch him in the face. Lord knows that’s season ending injury for him, as the 15 Mil per year keeps rolling in.

7. DeShawn Stevenson (Washington Wizards)

DeShawn recently had a dust-up with Mr. LeBron James during this playoff run. When asked about Lebron, DeShawn said “I think he’s overrated”. This quote coming from a guy who has only averaged 9 points per game in his career. Lebron responded “that’s like Soulja Boy ‘dissing’ Jay-Z”. Personally, I wouldn’t even go that far. At least Soulja Boy had one hit. DeShawn is best known for his ridiculous beard battle with Drew Gooden this season. What people forget is that he was charged with Statutory Rape early in his career, and a man was shot at his home in August of 2007. Real class act.

6. Chauncey Billups (Detroit Pistons)

Talk about walking around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment. “Mr. Big Shot” has won ONE ring. It took him 5 teams to finally produce consistently. He optimizes the Detroit Basketball theory of “turning it on when we need to”. He doesn’t listen to coaches. Overall, he just thinks he’s better than he is. Now, most players feel this way. It’s self-confidence. Chauncey takes this to a new level by talking about how good he is. He gets an uppercut from this writer.

Here come the big boys. The guys who could really get it.

5. Jason Kidd (Dallas Mavericks)

JKidd, for some reason, is beloved by the media. This guy is a coach killer. He pouts on bad teams (which have a lot to do with his poor play). He criticizes management publicly. He openly pushes for trades. And what really takes the cake; he was charged with domestic abuse in the early 2000’s for hitting his wife. We’re not talking reactionary slap or push. We’re talking breaking through a LOCKED DOOR to hit her. Then he has the gall to have his wife and (large-headed) son sit courtside at every game. Drop the act JKidd. We know you’re a terrible person.

4. Bruce Bowen (San Antonio Spurs)

Mr. Bowen is heralded as “the best perimeter defender in the league”. I whole-heartedly disagree. He is the cheapest, most reckless, and vicious player. Whether it’s tripping guys, scratching during loose balls, or putting his feet underneath a jump shooter so the shooter sprains his ankles, Bruce is always looking for ways to hurt someone. Guys like Bowen make San Antonio unwatchable.

3. Manu Ginobili (San Antonio Spurs)

Here’s the scoop on Manu. He only goes to his strong hand (his left). He does not pull up in the lane for jumpers. He only shoots spot up 3s. If he’s dribbling, he’s going to put his head down and drive to the hoop. What really bothers me about Manu is his incessant propensity to flop and run people over. Somehow, HE gets all the calls and finds himself at the line. His dirty 5’oclock shadow bothers me as well.

2. Sasha Vujacic (LA Lakers)

Dirty headband. Greasy hair. Menacing eyebrows. Over-zeallous. A girl’s name. All of these things describe Sasha, who has put up two STINKERS following an unreal game 3. This Euro-trash baller has limited skills, which include hitting wide open shots and…… and….. and….well, hitting wide open shots. That’s about all he does well. He hand-checks ball handlers on defense, and did his best “O-lay” defense in a crucial possession in game 4 vs. Ray Allen. Sasha’s most hated feature, his tongue-out “intense” look after a made basket in the first quarter of games. Stop crying on the bench Sasha.

1. David Stern (NBA Commissioner)

OK, so Stern is not a baller. He probably couldn’t hit a layup, much less a free throw. He probably got kicked off his high school team. But this guy is dirtier than all of the guys preceding him. Stern’s ideals have promoted player over team, money over quality of product, over-expansion, secret “hand shake” deals, and the god-awful WNBA. Let’s run through the shady business that Stern has overseen in the past year and a half.

a. The Donaghy scandal. Stern allowed his league’s credibility to be brought way down last summer with this scandal. It had quieted down for most of the year, due to the quality of the top teams this year. Unfortunately, it has reared its ugly head this week. We’ll get back to that

b. Stripping the Sonics from Seattle. Stern and his buddy Clay Bennett are ripping a franchise out of a town that has supported the team for over 40 years, and remodeled their arena in 1996. The city of Seattle is now suing the ownership group to get the team to stay. Stern has conveniently avoided questions about his role in this, yet supported Mr. Bennett moving a team from a top 15 TV market, to Oklahoma City, which isn’t in the top 40.

c. The referees. For too long, these horrific referees have been assigned big games and taken over the storyline. In game 4 of the Western Conference Semis, known Spur hater Joey Crawford is assigned to San Antonio’s most important game of the year. Guess who made a crucial no-call when Derek Fisher hip checked Brent Barry in the closing seconds? Joey Crawford. In game 5 of the NBA finals, during which referee Dick Bavetta is under investigation in the Donaghy case, guess who gets the assignment? Mr. Dick Bavetta. Stern’s cavalier attitude about the referees in the game today is ludicrous. He comes off as smug and brash. His stupid little grin deserves, you guessed it, a punch to the face.